What's on the back of the book:When you like, live forever,
what's there to live for?
About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him . . . that wanted me dead. And, third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically and disreputably wished he had kissed me.
And thus, in this hilarious send-up of Twilight, Belle Goose falls for mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen.
Pale and klutzy Belle's new to Switchblade, Oregon; looking for adventure or, at least, an undead classmate. She finds Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After some stranger-than-strange events - Edwart saves her from a flying snowball! - Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she get him to bite her and become his eternal bride?
A piece from the book:
When it snows, the rules of parking no longer apply, so I stopped in th street and began to walk toward the school's side entrance. That's when it happened.
It wasn't in slow motion, like an old person walking, but it also wasn't in fast motion, like an old person running. It was like when you sip an energy drink with a skull on it, even though your mom said not to, and your brain kind of speeds up and then goes slower as you swallow and then speeds up and goes slower until you throw up. And then you drink another one on a dare.
It was careening toward me across the sky in a perfect arc, careening so quickly that I knew I wouldn't be able to get out of the way. I'd never imagined how I would die, but I had kind of hoped it would be in a war. I had never thought it would be like this: by snowball.
And then suddenly, Edwart was in front of me, his dark, curly-yet-disheveled tresses blocking my view as I heard a giant squish. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't even possible. Edwart had saved me.
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