Nightlight A Twilight Parody by The Harvard Lampoon

What's on the back of the book:
When you like, live forever,
what's there to live for?

About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him . . . that wanted me dead. And, third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus, in this hilarious send-up of Twilight, Belle Goose falls for mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen.

Pale and klutzy Belle's new to Switchblade, Oregon; looking for adventure or, at least, an undead classmate. She finds Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After some stranger-than-strange events - Edwart saves her from a flying snowball! - Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she get him to bite her and become his eternal bride?

A piece from the book:
When it snows, the rules of parking no longer apply, so I stopped in th street and began to walk toward the school's side entrance. That's when it happened.
It wasn't in slow motion, like an old person walking, but it also wasn't in fast motion, like an old person running. It was like when you sip an energy drink with a skull on it, even though your mom said not to, and your brain kind of speeds up and then goes slower as you swallow and then speeds up and goes slower until you throw up. And then you drink another one on a dare.
It was careening toward me across the sky in a perfect arc, careening so quickly that I knew I wouldn't be able to get out of the way. I'd never imagined how I would die, but I had kind of hoped it would be in a war. I had never thought it would be like this: by snowball.
And then suddenly, Edwart was in front of me, his dark, curly-yet-disheveled tresses blocking my view as I heard a giant squish. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't even possible. Edwart had saved me.

Blue Bloods by Melissa de la Cruz

What's on the back of the book:
They're young, Fabulous and Fanged . . .

And they rule Manhattan from the trendy uptown clubs to the downtown boutiques. Fifteen-year-old Schuyler Van Alen has never quite fit in at her exclusive prep school - she's more of a vintage than a Versace girl - but all that's about to change . . .

Because Schuyler has just found out she's a Blue Blood. The Blue Bloods are the city's glamorous and secret vampire elite. They're young, beautiful and powerful. But now they're being murdered. And Schuyler must find out who - or what - is behind it, before she's next.

A piece from the book:
Across the street, Schuyler saw a cab pull up to the curb, and a tall blond guy stepped out of it. Just as he emerged, another cab barreled down the street on the opposite side. It was swerving recklessly, and at first it looked like it would miss him, but at the last moment, the boy threw himself in its path and disappeared underneath its wheels. The taxicab never even stopped, just kept going as if nothing happened.
"Oh my God!" Schuyler screamed.
The guy had been hit - she was sure of it - he'd been run over - he was surely dead.
"Did you see that?" she asked, frantically looking around for Oliver, who seemed to have disappeared. Schuyler ran across the street, fully expecting to see a dead body, but the boy was standing right in front of her, counting the change in his wallet. He slammed the door shut and sent his taxi on its way. He was whole and unhurt.
"You should be dead," she whispered.
"Excuse me?" he asked, a quizzical smile on his face.
Schuyler was a little taken aback - she recognized him from school. It was Jack Force. The famous Jack Force. One of those guys - head of the lacrosse team, lead in the school play, his term paper on shopping malls published in Wired, so handsome she couldn't even meet his eye.
Maybe she was dreaming things. Maybe she just thought she'd seen him dive in front of the cab. That had to be it. She was just tired.
"I didn't know you were a dazehead," she blurted awkwardly, meaning a Trance acolyte.
"I'm not, actually. I'm headed over there," he explained, motioning to the club next door to The Bank, where a very intoxicated rock star was steering several giggling groupies past the velvet rope.
Schuyler blushed. "Oh, I should have known."
He smiled at her kindly. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why apologize? How would you have known that? You read minds or something?" he asked.
"Maybe I do. And maybe it's an off day." She smiled. He was flirting with her, and she was flirting back. Okay, so it was definitely just her imagination. He had totally not thrown himself in front of the cab.

City of Glass (The Mortal Instruments Trilogy) by Cassandra Clare

What's on the back of the book:
Amid the chaos of war, the Shadowhunters must decide to fight with the vampires, werewolves and other Downworlders - or against them. Meanwhile, Jace and Clary have their own decisions to make: should they pursue the love they know is forbidden?

A piece from the book:
"You're not going," he said as soon as she'd finished. "If I have to tie you up and sit on you until this insane whim of yours passes, you are not going to Idris."
Clary felt as if he'd slapped her. She had thought he'd be pleased. She'd run all the way from the hospital to the Institute to tell him, and here he was standing in the entryway glaring at her with a look of grim death. "But you're going."
"Yes, we're going. We have to go. The Clave's called every active member who can be spared back to Idris for a massive Council meeting. They're going to vote on what to do about Valentine, and since we're the last people who've seen him - "
Clary brushed this aside. "So if you're going, why can't I go with you?"
The straightforwardness of the question seemed to make him even angrier. "Because it isn't safe for you there."
"Oh, and it's so safe here? I've nearly been killed a dozen times in the past month, and every time it's been right here in New York."
"That's because Valentine's been concentrating on the two Mortal Instruments that were here." Jace spoke through gritted teeth. "He's going to shift his focus to Idris now, we all know it - "
"We're hardly as certain of anything as all that," said Maryse Lightwood. She had been standing in the shadow of the corridor doorway, unseen by either of them; she moved forward now, into the harsh entryway lights. They illuminated the lines of exhaustion that seemed to draw her face down. Her husband, Robert Lightwood, had been injured by demon poison during the battle last week and had needed constant nursing since; Clary could only imagine how tired she must be. "And the Clave wants to meet Clarissa. You know that, Jace."
"The Clave can screw itself."

City of Ashes (The Mortal Instruments Trilogy) by Cassandra Clare

What's on the back of the book:
Haunted by her past, Clary is dragged deeper into New York City's underworld of demons and Shadowhunters - but can she control her feelings for a boy who can never be hers?

A piece from the book:
The telephone rang. Simon set the bag of chips down and made as if to get up and answer it. Clary put her hand on his wrist. "Don't. Just leave it."
"But it might be Luke. He could be calling from the hospital."
"It's not Luke," Clary said, sounding more sure than she felt. "He'd call my cell, not your house."
Simon looked at her a long moment before sinking back down on the rug beside her. "If you say so." She could hear the doubt in his voice, but also the unspoken assurance, I just want you to be happy. She wasn't sure "happy" was anything she was likely to be right now, not with her mother in the hospital hooked up to tubes and bleeping machines, and Luke like a zombie, slumped in the hard plastic chair next to her bed. Not with worrying about Jace all the time and picking up the phone a dozen times to call the Institute before setting it back down, the number still undialed. If Jace wanted to talk to her, he could call.
Maybe it had been a mistake to take him to see Jocelyn. She'd been so sure that if her mother could just hear the voice of her son, her firstborn, she'd wake up. But she hadn't. Jace had stood stiff and awkward by the bed, his face like a painted angel's, with blank indifferent eyes. Clary had finally lost her patience and shouted at him, and he's shouted back before storming off. Luke had watched him go with a clinical sort of interest on his exhausted face. "That's the first time I've seen you act like sister and brother," he'd remarked.
Clary had said nothing in response. There was no point telling him how badly she wanted Jace not to be her brother. You couldn't rip out your own DNA, no matter how much you wished you could. No matter how much it would make you happy.

Witch Blood (Elemental Witches Book 2) by Anya Bast

What's on the back of the book:
A water witch, Isabelle Novak has always led a chaotic, nomadic existence. But her life spins out of control when her sister - her only friend and emotional anchor - is killed by a demon. Driven by grief and a desire for revenge, she turns her back on the Coven and its sacred rede: Harm ye none . . .

When Isabelle first encounters Thomas Monahan, she's running on pure rage and sorrow, channeling her pain into power - and trying to freeze the life out of the warlock she hold responsible for her sister's death. Together she and Thomas form an uneasy alliance to hunt and destroy a demon of tremendous power. As head of the Coven, earth witch Thomas must thwart Isabelle's dark impulses, but his very presence stirs deeper desires she never knew she had . . .

A piece from the book:
He took a step toward her and her gaze rushed to meet his. She took an involuntary step backward, away from his natural intensity. Sometimes it could be overwhelming.
Thomas studied her for a moment. "What's wrong, Isabelle?"
She took a deep breath, scenting his faint cologne. Something deep within her stirred and chased away her sudden unease. Her gaze drifted down over the half-bared expanse of his chest. The sight made her brow lift speculatively.
A chuckle rumbled through him. "I guess nothing's wrong." He turned, pulled his shirt off and threw it onto the couch. Then he walked down a hallway and disappeared into one of the rooms.
She followed, noting a spacious bathroom and a guest bedroom before she reached the master suite. Thomas stood near a king-size four-poster bed. A fireplace was set into the wall directly opposite it. A bathroom door stood to her right. She walked over and took a peek. Just as she's expected, he could throw a party in his bathtub.
She walked toward him grousing, "My room isn't anything like this one."
"I live here year-round. Most of the rooms are for people who don't." He stepped toward her and lowered his voice. "I owe you a sexual favor. Take off those clothes and get on the bed."
Isabelle shivered at the command in his voice. "Aren't I the one who should be ordering you around?"
"I think you like it better when I do it."
Yep, he had her number. "What if I refuse?"
He gave her a wicked grin. "I'll remove them for you, so, please, do."
"Hmm, tempting, but I think I'd rather tease you a little."
She kicked off her shoes and unbuttoned her shirt slowly, letting him have minute peeks of her cleavage in the silky demi-bra she wore before tossing her top to the floor. Next went her skirt, which slithered to the carpet with a whisper, leaving her in just her bra. Her panties were still somewhere in Thomas's office, waiting to give the cleaning lady a bad moment. Last, she turned and took off her bra, then held it out to the side between two fingers before letting it drop to the carpet.

Torment by Lauren Kate

A Quick Bite (A Argeneau Vampires Novel) by Lynsay Sands

What's on the back of the book:
That hot guy tied to
Lissianna Argeneau's bed?
He's not dessert - he's the
main course!

Lissianna has been spending her centuries pining for Mr. Right, not just a quick snack, and this sexy guy she finds in her bed looks like he might be a candidate. But there's another, more pressing issue: her tendency to faint at the sight of blood . . . an especially annoying quirk for a vampire. Of course it doesn't hurt that this man has a delicious-looking neck. What kind of cold-blooded vampire woman could resist a bite of that?

Dr. Gregory Hewitt recovers from the shock of waking up in a stranger's bedroom pretty quickly - once he sees a gorgeous woman about to treat him to a wild night of passion. But is it possible for the good doctor to find true love with a vampire vixen, or will he be just a good meal? That's a question Dr. Greg might be willing to sink his teeth into . . . if he can just get Lissianna to bite.

A piece from the book:
"Let's get this off you," she suggested as she worked at the bow around his neck.
He sighed as it was removed, relaxing on the bed a bit, and Lissianna decided to discard his tie as well.
"There, isn't that better?" she asked, sliding the silk cloth from around his neck.
The man started to nod, then caught himself and scowled instead as she undid the top three buttons of his shirt. "It would be better still if you untied me."
Lissianna smiled with amusement at the way he was struggling with himself, then tried to distract him by running her fingers lightly over the bit of chest she'd revealed. Much to her satisfaction, a shiver wwent through him as her long nails grazed gently across his naked skin. This seduction business was turning out to be easier than she'd feared.
"Untie me." He was trying to be firm, but it was obvious his heart was no longer wholly behind the desire to be free.
Smiling knowingly, Lissianna scraped her fingers lightly down to run along the cloth just above his belt. The provocative action sent his stomach muscles galloping and his breath came out on a little his of air.
"What the hell," he breathed. "There are worse things than being a sex slave."

Wings (Laurel Book 1) by Aprilynne Pike

What's on the back of the book:
Laurel has always lived as an ordinary girl - but now something is happening to her.
Something magical.

In this enchanting tale of magic, romance and danger, everything you thought you knew about faeries will be changed forever.

A piece from the book:
Saturday morning dawned cool, with only a light mist that the sun would probably burn off by noon. Laurel predicted a hundred per cent chance of everyone at the bonfire diving or being pushed into the chilly Pacific water, and was doubly grateful she had bowed out. She lay in bed for several minutes watching the sunrise with its blended hues of pink, orange and a soft, hazy blue. Most people enjoyed the beauty of a sunset on a regular basis but, to Laurel, it was sunrise that was truly breathtaking. She stretched and sat up, still facing the window. She thought of the percentage of people in her small town who were sleeping through this incredible sight. Her father, for one. He was an infamous sleeper and rarely rose before noon on Saturday - or Sleepday, as he called it.
She smiled at that thought, but reality trickled in all too soon. Her fingers walked over her shoulder and her eyes flew open wide. She bit off a shriek as her other hand joined the first, trying to confirm what she was feeling.
The bump was gone.
But something else had replaced it. Something long and cool.
And much bigger than the bump had been.
Cursing herself for not being one of those girls with a mirror in her room, Laurel craned her neck, trying to see over her shoulder, but she could only see rounded edges of something white. She threw back the thin bedsheet and ran to her door. The knob turned silently and Laurel opened the door a tiny crack. She could hear her father snoring, but sometimes her mother got up early and she was very quiet. Laurel let her door swing open - consciously grateful, for the first time in her life, for well-oiled hinges - and slid down the hall towards the bathroom with her back to the wall. As if that was going to help.
Her hands were unsteady as she pushed the bathroom door closed and fumbled with the lock. Only when she heard the bolt click into place did she let herself breathe again. She leaned her head against the rough, unfinished wood and forced her breathing to slow. Her fingers found the light switch and she flipped it on. Taking a deep breath, she blinked away the dark spots and stepped towards the mirror.
She didn't even have to turn to see the new development. Long, bluish-white forms rose over both shoulders. For a moment Laurel was mesmerised, staring at the pale things with wide eyes. They were terrifyingly beautiful - almost too beautiful for words.